FACE

 

It was steamy weather and the sun was just on the top of my head ready to challenge me and make my hide more difficult. But I am also stubborn, I am also not going to remove my thick scarf from my face. After all, it is the only way I can save these people around me from getting the worst view of their life. 

The scorching sun is disturbing me and I am sweating heavily, but no one can see or understand my pain under that scarf. The only part of my face that is visible is those sad eyes of mine that hold nothing but a dark story of pain. I want to cry aloud, scream at top of my lungs but I haven't got enough energy left inside me.

Going to college after a long gap and with a new face is so challenging. I wanted to live a normal life like before. But nothing is left as before. How can I expect my life to be the same as it was before- NORMAL? Yes, NORMAL- these six letters are all I need my life to be right now.

I somehow gathered courage and convinced my parents that I will go to college alone and can handle everything by myself, but how am I going to convince my inner self is a big question right now. How am I gonna convince myself that I am courageous, brave, and can face everything????

A feeling of regret slowly gripped me as I stood in front of my college gate. I asked myself"Why am I here?" A year-old ID dangling from my neck but the face in my ID no longer matches the face I have now. My feet went weak and my heart pounded beating my rib cage. I want to take a U-turn and just run away from here. Run away from everything, run away from everyone, run away from this world, run away......Just RUN! "You are my Bahadur beta" my Papa's voice echoed in my mind and the long-held tear in my eyes rolled down. Those words by Papa are my strength and my weakness at the same time. Weakness, because those words of him stop me from taking a step which always crosses my mind at least for five times a day- to end my life..... Ending onces' life is a brave thing as it needs so much courage to do so but I don't have that courage and hence I am weak and the reason is Papa. 

Gone were the day when Papa used to call me" Meri Pari, my angel" now he calls me " Bahadur beta, brave boy" which I clearly know I am not. I always want to ask Papa" why beta? Can't I be beti?  Are beti not brave? Bahadur?" But this question always stays in the corner of my heart and never comes out from there. Maybe I am afraid that I will lose the only supporter of mine by asking those types of questions. So I always prefer to keep quiet. 

The guard stared at me as I entered the gate. He scanned me from up to down unless he found my ID dangling in my neck. He looked a little convinced but yet gave me a suspicious look. 

" You don't seem like a student of this college." He snapped as I reached a little closer to him.

I didn't utter a word but just looked at him.

"Here pass me your ID let me check." He demanded. I let him peep through my ID without revealing my face. "Paridhi Sharma." He scanned my ID "1st-year B.sc. Hmmm..... Why are you hiding your face then?" 

My eyes widened as he snapped his question at me. It felt like my hide and seek game is over now, but it was not a coincidence when one of the principal's staff interrupted us " Are you, Paridhi Sharma?"  He asked and I just nodded to his question  "Principal is waiting for you"

As soon as I entered the principal's office a chilled blow of air from the air conditioner relieved me "Come" He welcomed me with a warm smile. "Have a seat"

I sat opposite him, a little conscious of me and him being alone in his office. I know it is stupid to think like that, after all, he is my father's age but the incident is just a year old and even after trying really hard I still can't compose my mind, I still can't change my point of view about male species. I know it is very stupid of me to think that all males are the same, but I really can't help myself. I have started to fear the male species already. 

I saw a Bisleri bottle on his table which freaked me out even more. My mind started to think of the various possible things that a bottle can contain other than water. What if the very next moment he will stand up from his place and throw the content of the bottle at me? How am I gonna escape? And what if...

"Your dad called me this morning to inform me that you are joining from now."  I was dragged out of my thoughts when he said that. 

I realized I was shivering a little. It can't be cold because there's already a scorching sun outside, waiting to further burn my skin to depth. It can't be AC as the temperature is not very low. 

" It's really sad to hear about you. Whatever happened to you is really unfortunate. I wish you  have never met that type of person in your life." The same dialogue which I have heard already thousands of times.

He continued to try his best to give me his condolence while I looked around to see if there is any escape from this room if he decides to do anything unexpected.

"Are you feeling cold?" He asked trying to be as polite and concerned as he can. He might have noticed me shivering.

I shook my head but didn't utter a single word.

"Don't worry. You can relax now. No one can hurt you. You are safe here." His words didn't seem convincing. How much more can a person hurt me now? I have already lost the most precious thing. How much more do I have to lose? Safe? Why safe? I was not safe when I needed to be, now what can happen to me? No one is ever gonna come near me, I am already safe. How safe do I need to be now????

I successfully held back my tear and spoke "I know." It might have sounded rude. 

"Whatever happened to you is very unfortunate, but just because of it I can't grant your promotion. So you have to stay in 1st year itself since you have not given your exams as well."

I nodded.

"Submit me your 12th mark sheet xerox, admit card, Transfer certificate, and a recent passport size photograph tomorrow."

RECENT passport size photograph. How recent? I don't want to even see the camera how can I click a recent photograph? 

"I know beta,  it will be hard for you but life is all way long. It's a long journey with lots of ups and downs........blah blah blah" my ear felt def to his words and I started thinking about how am I going to click a photograph. How am I going to face the camera when I can't even face the mirror? 

After a long chain of consoling words that my ears totally denied hearing, I just heard. "Ok, so you can leave now. Bring your documents tomorrow as registration is going on." 

As I stood up he said in his best possible polite way" Your passport size photograph should be this face which you have now."

THIS FACE?

I looked straight into his eyes and unhide my face by removing the scarf which I wore for this whole lot of time and asked him pointing to my face with my finger "This face sir?"

"Ish....poor child" I heard him whispering to himself. I saw him trying to close his eyes which I took as a sign of him saying-'you just leave this place right now girl!'

I left his office and as I closed the door behind me I saw a reflection of my burnt face in the glass. A tear rolled down my burnt flesh. I cursed the person who have decided to put a glass on the door.  Wrapping my face again to avoid unnecessary attention, I left.

[AN: Do leave a comment if you like it🥰♥️]